Life is full of lots of fears or anxieties for EVERYONE. Some of us have to be more honest than others about these fears because they are more obvious. Anxieties are obvious when they collide with our cultural norms.
My anxiety is those monster machines that everyone gets into every day. Those monster killer machines that crash and kill people are my fear. I HATE DRIVING. Drivers Ed was terrifying. I sucked at driving at 15. My parents were not…gentle. They screamed at me and told me I was doing a horrible job, so I gave up driving for a few years. When I was 18 I attempted the driver’s test. Cook County is no joke. I failed twice. When I was 22, I decided it was time. This time I took the test in my small college town where people were more laxed. I PASSED!
Fast Forward a few more years. I never ever drove by myself. My boyfriend-fiance-husband was with me in the car every time! The first time I drove by myself was when motherhood called. My first baby girl needed to see the doctor, so I put my big girl pants on and faced my fear.
Yesterday I had to face my fear again. My goat was sick and needed medicine from the Tractor supply store 110 minutes away. I had to take all four of my children by myself! My rule is that I refuse to drive on the highway. Yes this puts a little extra time on my travels, but worth it. THE MANNHEIM IS practically THE HIGHWAY. OH GOD I WAS SCARED. I prayed and prayed and prayed till it was over. We got the medicine. My kids were angels. I drove back. I PUT GASS IN THE CAR FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. Ya that was not straightforward. The gas warning light went to yellow just as I was getting on the Mannheim on my way home. I PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED. I thought I’d be fine till the light turned red. Good thing I didn’t wait, because my husband told me there is no “red” light…..
You might be thinking CONGRATULATIONS! YOU DID IT! YOU CONQUERED YOUR FEAR! YOU’RE CURED! Did I conquer my fear of driving? NO! I faced my fear. I survived despite my fear, and I’ll do it again. Because when duty calls whether it means taking your kid to the doctor or being a good farmer and taking care of your animals, fears need to be fought. I hope it’s a long long long time before I have to take another trip like that. I hated it. I’m tired. My daughter prayed before bed, “Thank you God for the yummy dinner and keeping us safe when we traveled”. AMEN